Jerie Gilbert

On February 5 while getting ready to board a plane for Mexico I received a phone call from the Kern County Coroner’s office informing me that they had discovered Bruce’s body in his van near Lake Isabella. My name and phone number were tucked in his wallet. Although it has been over twenty years since Bruce and I were lovers, I believe that I have always been, and always will be in a relationship with him. I would like to share excerpts of what I wrote about Bruce in my journal on my trip to Sayulita:

I really loved Bruce, with all of his quirkiness, his radical ways of thinking. .. He was a big warmhearted bear of a man who helped me begin the healing process after 16 years of a troubled marriage. . . . Bruce listened endlessly to my pain, my sadness, my confusion, my challenges around restoring my self esteem.
Being with him was almost like being in analysis for five years. . . .lying around and talking and then being urged to talk some more … he led me to a whole new life, ultimately led me to Susan (my life partner) through Dawn , Barry, and Jackie – led me to Enlightenment Intensives, led me out of suburbia and into a more conscious way of living, led me really into becoming a psychotherapist, because I wanted to be able to listen as well as he did. . . wanted to learn that skill.

I remember meeting Bruce at a singles event (of all places) at a Unitarian Church in San Francisco when I was about 38. That would have been about 26 years ago. I was immediately attracted to his big warm smile, and the twinkle in his eye. I told the friend who had come to the event with me to “keep away.” “He’s mine,” I said as he made a beeline for me.

He said it was a past life connection from the start. (something that I simply couldn’t get my mind around). He said that we had implants together that we needed to work out to make our relationship flourish. I tried (a little) to embrace his idea (barely) about group marriage, but knew all along that it wasn’t for me. So we battled and loved one another. And I knew all along that we’d never mesh, but it took me five years to admit to myself that my strivings to join him in his desires and fantasies were a manipulation on my part, a way to try to get him to convert to my way of thinking, to my choices, and in fact, let’s face it to some of my own middle class values. .. .

I don’t like the idea of him being cremated and being placed into a communal grave, although I suspect he wouldn’t have minded that much. I’ll concede that he could very well be right about the past life stuff. I hope that if he is, he’s already returned to Earth and is a little baby in a warm loving family, safe and secure and cared for, and that he returns with the same loving heart that he so readily developed in this, his past life.

Bruce Nobel, all of the dear memories I have of you , will forever be tucked inside of my heart.

Jerie Gilbert